Building a new home is obviously stressful. This can add some strain to your marriage regardless of how strong it. So, we wanted to take a look at some ways couples can reduce the stress when having a new home built to make sure you guys are not grumbling under your breath to each other when you get the keys to the new home.
Get on the Same Page
You two are a team, which means you go into the build with a game plan before ever talking to a builder or a consultant. Know what you want, what you are willing to compromise on, to the point of having a list of priorities that you two can agree on beforehand. This is a major investment, arguably the biggest investment of your life, so you have to both be all-in, or the project will be doomed from the start.
Keep Communication Open, Friendly, and Honest
Going to ask everyone to put their thick skin on here and not take things personally during this process. One person will clearly LOVE some things other does not, and vice versa. This is, in all likelihood, your forever home, so don’t just concede a point to avoid a fight, and don’t pick a fight to have someone concede the point. This is not place for passive-aggressive behavior. Believe it or not, there is always a compromise that will make both people happy.
Some ideas for talking points:
- I am very nervous about the costs of this feature
- Why is this particular feature so important to you… I want to understand
- I am very flexible in this room since you are the one using it the most
- I don’t like/trust this builder
Be direct, but do not be overly confrontational, if that makes sense. There are going to be some very serious discussions during this process, so keep it civil.
You are Not Always Going to Agree
You can accept something without agreeing to it, just get that into your head right now. In many cases, there is no right or wrong… it is about taste and preferences, which you are not always going to be on the same page. This is why our list of priorities for need to be worked out beforehand. For instance, if one person is the one always doing the cooking, would you not want that individual to be more comfortable and have the features he or she wants in the kitchen? Maybe there is a tradeoff for say, the home office, where you work from home every day.
We are going to pick this back up in Part 2, so stay tuned!